Kindness

Feeling sympathy and concern for others can be associated with kindness, and has a distinct facial expression which is characterised by furrowed or raised eyebrows and a sad expression in the eyes. In addition, feeling sympathy and concern for others is often accompanied by a slowing of our heart rate which is a sign of increased attention to others (and their needs). 

Children show concern for others from as early as 10 months of age. The extent to which children express concern is related to whether and how much children help others. Interestingly, it is the expression of concern and not mere attention to others which is related to children’s helping behaviour.¹  

Children can show concern in a variety of ways. Beyond expressing an emotion, feeling concern can be expressed in a variety of helping behaviours including handing others out-of-reach objects, comforting those who are hurt, and sharing resources with others.²  

We refer to helping as being motivated by kindness if it is accompanied by genuine concern for others’ well-being (as opposed to more selfish motivations). Kindness refers to motivations as much as emotions and children as young as 2 years show positive emotions if others’ needs are fulfilled.^3,4 

We feel sympathy when we see others being hurt, struggling, or if they are in need of help. The feelings of kindness are about other people, and not so much about ourselves. Being kind means that we want to make others feel better. 

Kindness, and helping behaviour, are as much a part of human nature (our biology) as they are part of human culture (our upbringing and shared values). There is extensive research on the genetic basis of children’s concern for others⁵ but there is an equal amount of research on the influence on socialisation on children’s kindness.⁶  

Kindness does not have a single cause, but it is best described by emotions and motivations that are directed toward others’ needs. Children from as young as 9 months of age understand others’ needs, that is they can anticipate how others can be helped and it is both the understanding of others’ needs as well as children’s motor abilities which predicts children’s helping behaviour.⁷ 

There are many good reasons to be kind to others. Not only does it motivate us to make others feel better, but it can also make ourselves feel better about having acted kindly. In addition, our friends and families value kind behaviour and being kind can help us to make friends. 

Comparative work suggests that some of the emotions and motivations underlying young children’s helping behaviour are shared with other primates. For example, chimpanzees help others in similar ways as do young children i.e., by providing access to food or by removing obstacles.⁸ 

Studies on children’s helping behaviour often include clever paradigms to elicit helping and kindness in children. Examples include an adult, either the parent or another adult, accidentally bumping their knee on a table and subsequently expressing mild pain.⁹ In other studies, the adult pretends to be clumsy and accidentally drops objects or misplaces them.¹⁰ 

There is a lively debate in developmental science on how children’s kindness changes as they grow older. One milestone development is perspective taking and concern for one’s reputation. Children older than 4 years of age care about whether they are being watched while helping others, presumably to manage their good reputation in the eye of onlookers.¹¹