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Gratitude

What is gratitude? 

Gratitude is an emotional response that helps children recognise the kindness of others. It starts as a basic verbal expression, like saying "thank you”, and gradually becomes a richer and more general experience of appreciation.1

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Gratitude is a social emotion that can encourage unity.2 Gratitude plays a powerful role in children’s happiness, relationships, and social development. It has been linked to helping behaviour, self-awareness, and changing how you interpret events. It relies on adjusting your thinking to understand others’ intentions 3, which is an ability that develops throughout childhood. 

Researchers identified four elements of experiencing gratitude: noticing, thinking, feeling, and doing. Children first become aware of what they’ve been given, then make judgements about why the giver gave it to them, which gives rise to positive feelings, leading to gratitude displays.4

Researchers confirm that younger children (4–6-year-olds) report lower levels of thankfulness, showing fewer sharing behaviours, and showing limited understanding of reciprocation in gratitude. They put more emphasis on avoiding negative consequences or demonstrating gratitude because they feel it is polite, or expected of them.5 

Research shows that adolescents who regularly feel and express gratitude are more likely to have higher self-esteem, feel hopeful about the future, and experience more positive emotions like pride and joy. Gratitude also helps build resilience, allowing children to bounce back from challenges by encouraging more flexible, optimistic thinking.6 Gratitude helps strengthen relationships. Grateful children report closer bonds with family and friends and feel more supported socially.3 

 

How is gratitude expressed? 

When interacting with children, parents show gratitude through body language, facial expression, smiling, praise, and verbal instruction. Parents believe that being happy is a sign of gratitude and encourage children to say thank you and show good manners.7 

Gratitude does not have a clear facial expression, beyond a generally positive one. Children learn to express gratitude by interacting with others. In 2-5-year-old children, prompting from parents led to 86% of children expressing gratitude, while only 7% of children express gratitude without prompts.8 

Researchers largely agree with three types of gratitude: verbal, concrete, and connective 9: 

  • Verbal gratitude is saying thank you to the person who has helped you or given you something. This could be done out of politeness but can also show that you understand the person’s intention of kindness and appreciate their actions. 

  • Concrete gratitude is object-based. This is frequently seen in children around 8-years-old, and involves reciprocating with objects that are valuable to them. 

  • Connective gratitude is bonding-based. This involves reciprocation aimed at strengthening relationships and providing something of value to the giver individually. This is typically seen in children over 12 years old. 

Parents had different opinions on verbal expressions of gratitude and genuine gratitude, some believed being told to say thank you may decrease the likelihood of them actually appreciating the experience, whereas others thought external acts would encourage gratitude. These different opinions determine how parents talk with their children about gratitude, and encourage it.10 

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What causes gratitude? 

Children reported feeling more grateful when they received something special, enjoyable, unique, and unexpected. Children also say that they cannot always be grateful. Sometimes, tiredness, not wanting what they received, or considering what they received as expected prevented children from experiencing gratitude.7 

When writing about things they are grateful for, children (4- to 12-year-olds) consistently mention gratitude towards family, basic needs, friends, teachers, school, outdoors, nature, weather, pets, and toys.11 Younger children (4-8) report more gratitude for material things, while older children show more appreciation for people and relationships.12 

Researchers found that 3-year-olds who received benefits due to the helper’s good intentions were more grateful and generous to the helper compared to when the helper was unintentional. 13,14 Children are also more grateful when a helper voluntarily provides a benefit compared to when they were required to do so.15 

Another study found that older children (6 to 8 years) considered the giver’s intention and thoughts when expressing gratitude, while younger children express gratitude based on how much they liked the gift. 16 Children were more likely to help when the focus was on the giver’s intention, even though all children showed similar levels of verbal gratitude.5 

When asked about the reasons of helping, 5–6-year-olds focused on the consequences for the giver, linking ungratefulness to negative outcomes. Older children from 7-12 commonly believed they were returning a favour to avoid others thinking badly of them while some older children (11-12 years old) saw it as something expected of them.17  Environmental factors help develop gratitude. Conversations and activities with parents and other children may prompt children to give back after receiving help.18 

Parental influence is important to children’s gratitude development. This could include parents demonstrating gratitude, exposing children to environments that support and value gratitude, daily reminders, and conversations about gratitude. When parents involve their children in more gratitude-related activities, children expressed gratitude more frequently. These activities might include religious organisations, volunteer work, or socialising with other families that care about gratitude.19 

Researchers identified that positive parenting behaviours, parent-child closeness, and parents’ gratitude were linked to children’s gratitude. Also, with fewer conflicts at home, children would be more likely to show grateful traits. Specifically, researchers identified links between children and their mother’s level of gratitude. This could be an effect of children adopting patterns of gratitude similar to their caregivers.19  

Adolescents’ (9 to 12 years of age) view of how supportive their parents are predicted their level of gratitude. Warm and accepting parenting was associated with higher gratitude, while controlling parenting was associated with lower gratitude.20   

Halberstadt et al suggest it is important to encourage children to express gratitude in a genuine way they feel comfortable with, which could be through writing, drawings and videos, or a verbal message. The most important part is guiding them through the process of identifying who or what they are grateful for, why, and how they want to show it. It is helpful to think about the efforts behind the acts, and what feelings they have.10 

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Good to know?

Gratitude journals involve writing down things you are grateful for, with the intention of increasing awareness of positive things in life. When primary school students kept a gratitude diary for two weeks, one study found that those who wrote about things they are grateful for reported feeling happier with their school experience, and higher levels of gratitude.21 Interestingly, researchers found children who experience fewer positive feelings would benefit more from gratitude interventions like this.6 

There are gender differences in gratitude. In young adolescents (11-13 years old), girls report experiencing more gratitude than boys. Girls were more thankful for family, friends, and interpersonal relationships, while boys were more grateful for material objects. This could be due to social expectations that men display emotions linked with status and power.12,6 

Actions of gratitude may lead to emotions like guilt and feeling like you owe the giver something, along with gratitude.22 It is more important to teach children the meaning of gratitude and when it is appropriate, and not to practice gratitude automatically. Over emphasising gratitude may lead to children thinking it is a moral obligation and that they have to pay back the giver.23 

Gratitude can help protect against common mental health issues. Teens who are more grateful tend to show fewer signs of depression, anxiety, and stress. Gratitude-based activities—like keeping a gratitude journal—have even been shown to support recovery in young people who have faced trauma.24, 25 

 

Artwork 

Illustrations provided by Allysa Adams

 www.allysaadamsillustration.com

 

References:

  1. Wood AM, Froh JJ, Geraghty AWA. Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clin Psychol Rev. 2010;30(7):890-905. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.005.

  2. Emmons RA, McCullough ME. Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2003;84(2):377-389. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377.

  3. McCullough ME, Kilpatrick SD, Emmons RA, Larson DB. Is gratitude a moral affect? Psychol Bull. 2001;127(2):249-266. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.127.2.249.

  4. Hussong AM, Coffman JL, Halberstadt AG. Parenting and the development of children’s gratitude. Child Dev Perspect. 2021;15(4):235-241. doi:10.1111/cdep.12434.

  5. Shoshani A, De-Leon Lendner K, Nissensohn A, Lazarovich G, Aharon-Dvir O. Grateful and kind: The prosocial function of gratitude in young children’s relationships. Dev Psychol. 2020;56(6):1135-1148. doi:10.1037/dev0000922.

  6. Froh JJ, Kashdan TB, Ozimkowski KM, Miller N. Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention in children and adolescents? Examining positive affect as a moderator. J Posit Psychol. 2009;4(5):408-422. doi:10.1080/17439760902992464.

  7. Midgette AJ, Coffman JL, Hussong AM. What parents and children say when talking about children’s gratitude: A thematic analysis. J Child Fam Stud. 2022;31(5):1261-1275. doi:10.1007/s10826-021-02222-9.

  8. Vaish A, Savell S. Young children value recipients who display gratitude. Dev Psychol. 2022;58(4):680-692. doi:10.1037/dev0001308.

  9. Baumgarten-Tramer F. ‘Gratefulness’ in children and young people. Pedagog Semin J Genet Psychol. 1938;53:53-66. doi:10.1080/08856559.1938.10533797.

  10. Halberstadt AG, Langley HA, Hussong AM, Rothenberg WA, Coffman JL, Mokrova I, Costanzo PR. Parents’ understanding of gratitude in children: A thematic analysis. Early Child Res Q. 2016;36:439-451. doi:10.1016/j.ecresq.2016.01.014.

  11. Hall AH, Bache-Wiig G, White KM. Exploring the impact of gratitude practice as a protective factor for young children. Early Child Educ J. 2025;53(3):759-767. doi:10.1007/s10643-023-01623-3.

  12. Gordon AK, Musher-Eizenman DR, Holub SC, Dalrymple J. What are children thankful for? An archival analysis of gratitude before and after the attacks of September 11. J Appl Dev Psychol. 2004;25(5):541-553. doi:10.1016/j.appdev.2004.08.004.

  13. Vaish A, Hepach R, Tomasello M. The specificity of reciprocity: Young children reciprocate more generously to those who intentionally benefit them. J Exp Child Psychol. 2018;167:336-353. doi:10.1016/j.jecp.2017.11.005.

  14. Shoshani A, Aharon-Dvir O, Hain D, Yaffe A. Situational determinants of young children’s gratitude: The effects of perceived intentionality and the value of the benefit on gratitude and prosocial behavior. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2021;121(4):914-932. doi:10.1037/pspp0000384.

  15. Graham S. Children’s developing understanding of the motivational role of affect: An attributional analysis. Cogn Dev. 1988;3(1):71-88. doi:10.1016/0885-2014(88)90031-7.

  16. Poelker KE, Kuebli JE. Does the thought count? Gratitude understanding in elementary school students. J Genet Psychol. 2014;175(5):431-448. doi:10.1080/00221325.2014.941321.

  17. Rava PGS, Freitas LBL. Gratidão e sentimento de obrigatoriedade na infância. Psico USF. 2013;18(3):383-394. doi:10.1590/S1413-82712013000300005.

  18. Froh JJ, Bono G. The gratitude of youth. In: Positive psychology: Exploring the best in people. Vol 2: Capitalizing on emotional experiences. Westport (CT): Praeger Publishers/Greenwood Publishing Group; 2008:55-78.

  19. Rothenberg WA, Hussong AM, Langley HA, Egerton GA, Halberstadt AG, Coffman JL, Mokrova I, Costanzo PR. Grateful parents raising grateful children: Niche selection and the socialization of child gratitude. Appl Dev Sci. 2017;21(2):106-120. doi:10.1080/10888691.2016.1175945.

  20. Lo HHM, Kwok SYCL, Yeung JWK, Low AYT, Tam CHL. The moderating effects of gratitude on the association between perceived parenting styles and suicidal ideation. J Child Fam Stud. 2017;26(6):1671-1680. doi:10.1007/s10826-017-0683-y.

  21. Froh JJ, Sefick WJ, Emmons RA. Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study of gratitude and subjective well-being. J Sch Psychol. 2008;46(2):213-233. doi:10.1016/j.jsp.2007.03.005.

  22. Morgan B, Gulliford L, Carr D. Educating gratitude: Some conceptual and moral misgivings. J Moral Educ. 2015;44(1):97-111. doi:10.1080/03057240.2014.1002461.

  23. Roberts RC. The blessings of gratitude: A conceptual analysis. In: Emmons RA, McCullough ME, editors. The psychology of gratitude. New York (NY): Oxford University Press; 2004:58-78. doi:10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195150100.003.0004.

  24. McCullough ME, Emmons RA, Tsang J-A. The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2002;82(1):112-127. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.82.1.112.

  25. Khanna P, Singh K. Effect of gratitude educational intervention on well-being indicators among North Indian adolescents. Contemp Sch Psychol. 2016;20(4):305-314. doi:10.1007/s40688-016-0087-9.